Becoming Rue-ster

There are moments in life that change us without announcing that they are about to do so.

We may arrive thinking we are simply going to meet someone, attend a family gathering, or experience another happy occasion.

And then we realize that something much more significant has happened.

The first time I met my grandchild, Bellamy, was one of those moments.

I was meeting a new person who had entered our family. But I was also beginning a new chapter of my own life.

I was becoming a grandfather.

And with that transition came a new name.

Rue-ster.

I have carried many identities throughout my life. I am an attorney, an author, a researcher, a teacher, a coach, and a person who continues to learn and grow.

Yet meeting Bellamy introduced an identity that none of those roles could have given me.

It was not another professional accomplishment or a goal I could check off a list.

It was a relationship.

And that relationship opened a new part of my life.

We often associate becoming with youth.

We imagine young people discovering who they are, choosing careers, building families, and finding their places in the world.

But becoming does not end when we reach a certain age.

Our identities continue to develop as our lives change and new relationships invite us to grow.

Meeting Bellamy reminded me of that.

I did not stop being Stephen when I became Rue-ster. I did not leave behind the other parts of my life.

Instead, my identity expanded.

There was now another person to love, another relationship to nurture, and another way to express the values that matter most to me.

I was entering a new life transition — not because something had ended, but because something wonderful had begun.

Purpose is not always something we discover through a career, a major achievement, or a grand undertaking.

Sometimes it arrives through another person.

Bellamy has given me a new reason to think carefully about how I spend my time and how I show up for the people I love.

What kind of grandfather do I want to be?

Will I make time to be present?

Will I listen with patience and curiosity?

Will I offer encouragement without trying to determine who Bellamy should become?

Will I help create the kind of relationship in which Bellamy feels loved, valued, seen, heard, and understood?

These questions give my new identity direction.

I want Rue-ster to be more than a name.

I want it to represent a loving and dependable presence in Bellamy's life.

I have spent years studying and writing about identity, purpose, personal growth, well-being, relationships, and flourishing.

But meeting Bellamy has reminded me that these are not merely subjects to study or ideas to put into a book.

They are experiences to live.

Flourishing does not require us to have finished growing or to have achieved everything we once hoped to accomplish.

It can emerge as we deepen our relationships, discover new purposes, and continue becoming the people we are meant to be.

My relationship with Bellamy gives me another opportunity to do all three.

I can grow in patience and generosity.

I can become more intentional about being present.

I can experience the joy of loving someone without needing anything in return.

And I can participate in a relationship that will continue to change as Bellamy grows and as I grow alongside this new generation.

Becoming Rue-ster has also changed the way I think about legacy.

Legacy is often described as what we leave behind.

We think of our work, our accomplishments, the things we build, or the words we write.

But some of the most meaningful parts of our legacy are created while we are still here.

They are created through relationships.

Through the time we give.

Through the encouragement we offer.

Through the stories we share, the laughter we enjoy, and the ordinary moments when someone knows they have our full attention.

I cannot know what Bellamy will remember about me years from now.

But I can choose how I show up today.

I can make love and presence part of the legacy I am creating now.

The first time I met Bellamy, I began a new relationship.

I also began discovering a new part of myself.

That is what life transitions can do.

They can change our roles, expand our identities, and invite us to find purpose in places we had not previously imagined.

Some transitions arrive through loss. Others arrive through love.

Both can lead us to ask who we are becoming and how we want to live the life before us.

For me, this new chapter has a name.

Rue-ster.

And I am grateful that, at this stage of my life, there is still so much love to give, so much to learn, and so much becoming ahead.